Body Image: One Year Post Partum

Prior to my pregnancy, Waymon and I were working so hard on our bodies. We worked out so much that the gym was our second home. All of that changed when I found out I was pregnant. I worked out less and less until I didn’t work out at all. I didn’t mind I figured it was 9 months of not working out and it wouldn’t matter. There were more important things than working out… like sleeping! I walked a lot and did a ton of housework to keep me moving but nothing strenuous, I loved being pregnant and wanted to enjoy it.

After having Haidyn via C-section I couldn’t do much activity until 8 weeks post partum and even then things didn’t feel the same until 4 months pp. After 8 weeks pp, I took a spin class 2 times a week which lasted about 2 months because of gym renovation and I didn’t care anymore once they shut the gym down. I lifted weights for the first time after being 7 months pp and I felt better about lifting but of course life kicked in and I couldn’t go as much as I wanted to. I struggled to go to the gym after that point.  I kicked myself for not working out as much as I use to and some days I still do. I gave birth to a beautiful girl and gained a healthy amount of weight because of it. The doctor told me that my husband will always give me babies that are way too big for my body. Haidyn stretched me to the point that I had no idea she could. I didn’t lose the weight as fast as the other Mom’s however; I continuously lost weight while watching what I ate and drank throughout the day.

As a family, we’ve been eating a lot better and drink more water throughout the day. Most people think I’ve gone crazy with juicing, making our foods (i.e. our breads and snacks) and not eating out as much, but we love it. Haidyn has become accustomed to sitting down with me and helping make our breakfast/lunches/dinners and Waymon is now favoring eating in rather than eating out. I’m seriously amazed at how much I can actually make homemade and most of our family is too. We try to keep making our same fatty favorites into healthy alternatives.

Now, I realized that I will never be able to work out like I use to because of life and I’m perfectly okay with that. I don’t want to push myself to the point where I’m at the gym every day because I think NEED to look a certain way. As of today, my clothes fit perfectly even if I don’t want to admit that they do. I’m back in my size 0 jeans, although I tend to lean towards wearing my size 2’s because they just feel better. I’m tending to chose looser shirts instead of my “tight” shirts because I feel they fit me better. I have stretch marks all over my belly and a flabby tummy compared to what I use to have that probably will never go away though it may be flat again one day.  I’m completely content with the latter because it all reminds me of our girl. I earned those marks with every inch that I stretched out with her and I am grateful that I have them as a constant reminder.

My husband will tell you that though I may not have the same body from pre-pregnancy, he loves my body now more than ever. He’s told me that now I’ve got actual curves now ( I've got more ASSets now) and that it looks a lot better than my “gym” body.  He tells me how beautiful I am and that’s the only opinion that matters to me.  I am completely in love with my body now and not because I fit into my clothes or the weight I’ve lost but because I now carry my body with so much confidence than before. Now, if you know me at all I will tell you that I still have more to lose and blah blah blah, but I don’t think I’ve ever had this much confidence over my body before; which was my ultimate goal post pregnancy.

I want to be comfortable with my body and how I carry it so that I would be able to teach Haidyn the same. Growing up, I was always so conscience about how I looked and struggled a lot with body image and weight. I still am that way. I still don’t think I’m thin enough or look great in my clothes. I look at my old progress pictures and can’t believe how small I was and how I thought I was “fat”.  I, of course, now understand that I was never overweight or fat but I definitely looked up to ridiculous body types as role models to be my standard. I can admit to all of you now that I do have a problem and I really want to fix it as it is always in the back of my mind. I never want Haidyn to be self conscience about the way she looks.  

I want Haidyn to love the body she’s in and to take care of it but never stress over it. She’s perfect exactly the way she is as the petite baby girl she is.  Now, I’m starting to confidently teach her about loving her body and lead by example. I’m trying to no longer care about the weight just as long as I love myself and my body. I am 6 lbs away from pre-pregnancy weight and 14.5 lbs from my goal weight. However now, I can honestly say I LOVE  and am proud of MY MOM BODY,  stretch marks, flabby stomach , my bigger jeans and everything that came with it.