Lately.

I don't think I've ever sat down to write about myself or how I'm doing other than when I was pregnant ( but does that really count since I was with child). I'm thinking no. And let me tell you how weird it is to see my face all over this blog post.  I'm already missing pictures of Bean on here, but here it goes...

I’ve been feeling like an overworked mess.  I feel like I've probably ( most likely) stretched myself too thin with my current workload at home and at work. Waymon and I work almost opposite schedules so I try my hardest to keep up with his schedule i.e. sleeping at 1 am. That doesn't always work out for me since I work a lot earlier than he does, I work at 6 am to be exact. I fall asleep more often than not while we are spending time together after Haidyn goes down for the night. I have fallen asleep sitting upright on the couch right next to him all while our TV is blasting Sons of Anarchy- I really don't know how I do it. I feel awful when I do just because I don’t get to see him as much as I’d like to, but we work with that we have. We make the most out of our weekends together since we don’t have the work week together and for that I will forever be grateful. We both get to spend equal time with Haidyn since we alternate picking up and dropping off at school. Haidyn spends her mornings with her Daddy and afternoons with her Mama. She doesn't seem to mind, even if I would just love to spend all day cuddling with my chickeedee.

Work has taken over my life, but I couldn’t be more blessed with having a booked month with my clients. I am overwhelmed with the joy that the bookings I've gotten me as well as overwhelmed with a hectic workload. Striving to be a top performed in your own business isn’t as easy as I thought it would be. I am my worst critic when it comes to judging my own work, but I can’t tell you that I don’t enjoy reliving each and every one of those sessions. I do however; miss the sleep and my family time. I do plan to pull back from photography to hang out with my family more as well as blogging a lot more. I don’t want to miss anymore weekends with Haidyn and Waymon. I feel nothing but guilt when my favorite 2 get to hang out together and I'm working. Don’t get me wrong I love what I do and will still pursue it, but in a lower key. I don't expect to be the world's famous photographer. I started the business for the small clientele base that I had wanting me to take the pictures of their families and I'd like to keep it that way; nothing crazy.

Now I’m trying to find a perfect balance between being a mother and a employee all in one. I think my search for the perfect balance will always be a constant for me.  What helps the most is that remembering that I am human and I can’t possibly do it all. ( I will always think that I can do it all). On the days that I got everything and anything that I had to do that day done I feel like supermom- a very sleep deprived supermom, hidden under very good concealer. I don’t know why I must jam pack my schedule with things to do, but I hope that in the upcoming months I learn how to relax and let go just a smidge to enjoy everything around me especially time with my growing girl.