Remembering Jonathan

 

A month ago my nephew passed away at only seventeen. I haven’t posted much on the blog because his passing. I have been at a loss for words and I feel like a part of me isn’t quite honest. It pains me to know that he will no longer be just a phone call/ text away. I don’t think that numb and empty feeling will ever go away to be honest with you, but I know J.Matthew and he wouldn’t want anyone to dwell on him being gone. It might be crazy, but I’m still waiting for the day for his text, face time or phone call to tell me that he was just kidding, he’s still here and it was all just a bad joke. I obviously know that’s not possible, but that’s what my heart is longing for. Our relationship was a little different as we were so close in age oddly enough, we were actually closer than age than I am to my brother ( J.Matthew's dad).

When I got the news of J.Matthew’s passing we took the first flight down to San Diego to pay our respects to our family and spend a little time with them during this vulnerable time. We spent time with our niece Kaydence and the rest of the family. We knew ahead of time that we might not be able to make it for the services, but we wanted to be there for him and the family. Thankfully, Kaydence put together a beauitful memorial service in remembrance of her older brother. Jon surprised us with a visit to San Diego to be with the family during this time as well, which made it that more special. Watching Kaydence conduct herself as a young lady brought me to tears along with seeing how many people Jon impacted in his life. He truly was one of my favorite people.

 It was definitely not the trip we wanted but it was worth it nonetheless.We got to spend time with our loved ones and remember J.Matthew and how truly blessed we were to have him in our lives. I had to explain to Haidyn that her Kuya Jon is no longer with us, but he's among the stars always looking after her. She of course now always sings "twinkle twinkle little star" just for him.

J.Matthew had the kindest soul, gentlest heart and I was blessed enough to be one of the people he loved. A month has passed by and it doesn't hurt any less but I'm grateful that he's in a better place.